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  • cmarsh2013

Netflix & Chill

Imagine using your exes Netflix account well over 3 years of the breakup. It’s no strings attached free and he never kicked you off. It was agreed that you would part ways, but your profile would remain yours. Sure your name would be removed and replaced with "Guest," but that’s for $free.99 you don’t give a fuck! You’re practically sharing a Netflix account with a stranger now. You use to go back and check on occasion what he was watching, what series he was binging if there were any reminisce of you lingering around, or if there was something you were sleeping on and needed to add to your watchlist ASAP. Eventually, you outgrow that creepy ass phase.

A year ago you did start watching from a new phone. You lost the password to the account and politely sent that random text like “Hey there! Hope all is well! Well, no reason to beat around the bush here. You know I’m still using your Netflix account, right? Is the password still BigDaddy616? I got a new phone and it’s not letting me in 😩.” He promptly responds with the correct password. You remind him he still has access to Hulu, although he doesn’t use it, you feel like you had to offer him something. This makes you feel like a peasant, begging for that password again. Where did your dignity go? Side-note, the best part about having a Netflix account that isn’t yours, is denying login information to outsiders. “I’m sorry bro, this isn’t even my account to share. I’m on someone else’s.” Why does this petty shit make you feel so cool when in reality, it just proves that you’re slick poor. Why can’t you afford $8.99 a month? No, seriously?

Everything is all good and gravy with your streaming situation until you fall in love with your new boyfriend. And Netflix and Chill is always on the agenda! Most of the time you’re watching at his place but what happens when he’s watching at your place? And see’s that God-forsaken name across the screen, over and over again? He’s going to get suspicious. What do you say? Do you admit, then and there, that you’re still sharing a Netflix with your ex? Or are you supposed to pretend like you don’t have a Netflix account when he’s around? Or are you supposed to pretend that’s it’s your old roommate's boyfriend account? You guys are all still tight! Wait, is this a form of cheating? Like stream cheating? How can you live with yourself? You’re cheap and potentially a cheater!

Are you really suppose to record a separate inventory of all your shows in a notes file, sign out of Netflix on all devices, and wait around for the perfect invitation when your new boyfriend wants to watch something at your place and has to sign in for it? I mean that could take a while! Because you’re definitely not going to just flat out ask, you’ll just seem like a peasant. So this better be the real deal, you think. You’re officially logging out, pulling away from all extensions to your ex-boyfriend. This is bigger than Netflix and chill, this is Netflix and Marry! Because your algorithm took 5 years to build. You can’t get that back. And if you’re being honest, you’d have to admit that you were partial to logging out because you noticed some shows in the “Continue Watching” that you would never entertain. Someone else is in this guest profile account as of late, and fucking up the algorithm! You feel away, so it’s time. It’s been time, honey. Log out and never look back!

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